Dealing with Favoritism at Work: Some Tips from Polliwig

  PROFESSOR POLLIWIG

1) Move at the speed of darkness, like the person who is currently getting away with murder. 

 2) Do not commit murder (that will keep your record clean, and allow you to move up in the future if the person benefiting from favoritism quits, retires, or DIES).

 3) Spill coffee and sprinkle Cheet-Os on the person benefiting from favoritism's desk.  No one likes a dirty co-worker. 

 4) Cold-call all of your customers to apologize on behalf of the person in question.  

 5) Since the person benefiting from favoritism has lost your company all of its customers, take the time to decorate the company walls with some drawrings (Crayons recommended).

 6) Whine and complain to your boss.  When he's stopped kissing the a-- of the person in question, threaten to quit.  Tell your boss that Hot Dog on a Stick offers exciting opportunities to energetic individuals with experience dealing with lard.    

 7) At your new job, look for the person most likely to benefit from favoritism and begin dating him/her.  Sleep with him/her, too.    

 8) Favoritism spreads, like margarine on toast, or like the bubonic plague (nice breakfast image!).  Benefit and scramble up the ladder.  That's the American way!     

Comments

[Marc Fred]

9) If person in question owes a set of knee-pads, ignore 1-8 because you're screwed...literally!